Sheena Marie Miles

Hey girl, this week has been very very very hard and just need to say somethings to you. I don't know which one is worse your birthday or tomorrow. It scares me to think its a Thursday and the day before I got the call. It was 4:21am. I didn't believe it then, and times still don't believe it now. It just doesn't feel real, it doesn't matter that a year has passed, memories will always be there and so will the loss. I am being as strong as I can, some days I am fine, others its just walking in my room seeing pictures of you or hearing a song on the radio is all it takes to make me cry. An emptiness is still in my heart where you were and will always be. I never thought this day would come a year passing is just more reality setting in, we were supposed to be older, you were and are my true best friend who will always be by my side, you were always there for me no matter what. I still vividly remember everything that week was the longest week of my life. Its amazing though when I visit you and have our talks, when I leave-my mind is clear like if you were still here giving me advice. Some might say I go to much but believe its my way of coming to your place to see you. You made me realize Sheena what a true friend is and how to live life, you could never be replaced. I often wonder when will I see you again, what would it be like, you make me a better person, I remember you every day, I believe your an angel looking over me, days or years will never make it completely real, nothing will ever make it real. I am living life and trying to have fun in every moment just like you did and realized a lot of more important things in life to worry about than the little things we can't control, I have you to thank for that and I thank you everyday. I often wonder if you are here with us when were all hanging out, somedays its like I can feel your presences. I worry at times if I will forget any of the memories we shared through our many years but know I never will, I wish you were here with me and everyone else. I wish sometimes you were here to enjoy some of the things but know you do and are watching over us having the same good times we are having and believe you create some of them, you would love baby rilynn to pieces and know you are holding her each night. I just hope we have touched your life in just a small piece of how you have touched mine and everyone else's. I think about our memories often. And each time I do sometimes all I can do is smile or laugh because there is not one bad memory, just stories to tell. I get sad though when I think about the parts of my life that I wanted to share with my best friend and have you there physically but I know you are always a part of me.

We sure had our laughs and good times. You wouldn't want me to be sad or upset or even more to cry but know you understand because out of all these years we shared I only seen you cry a good cry a few times and knew when you cried you were hurting and know you understand thats why we shed the tears we shed. I would give anything to see you again, to talk to you, to see you smile, just share more memories with you or getting a bottle of wine and head to lyndsays to sit on the porch and talk about life like we did so often..i miss those days of you just being around. You were such a courageous, kind, beautiful, and happy person. It will be hard to ever explain you to anyone new because your personality and just you can't be explained in words. I miss my best friend and wish you were near. Bring peace within our hearts and smiles to our faces. Your always remembered.

Sheena,

 I just need you to know how much I miss you.  There are so many things I want to tell you.  I wish so much that you would call me and sing songs to me at two in the morning.  I am still so deeply in denial that you're not living right down the road.  I wish I had a video or a voicemail from you still.  I wish we had taken pictures that last day we spent shopping and cooking.  I wish I could call you up and we could laugh about the crazy man at the grocery store.  I need you in my life.  Everything is so much harder when I can't call and vent to you, or cry to you, or mostly laugh with you.  You were so happy to hear that Jay and I had signed our marriage license, but I wanted you to stand beside me at the wedding so badly.  I just don't know how to move past this Sheena.  I'm reading all the books from your room.  It makes me feel closer to you somehow.  I just love you so much Sheena.  I truly miss you and love you more than I could ever put into words.  Time is not making this any easier.  I just need you to know that you're my best friend. 

Ash

Hey i just wanted to tell you we have shared some pretty wonderful memories along the years girl. I have been writing them down because we have so many i never want to loose them or forget them ever. Doing this made me realize how many that were stored away that i was amazed that i remembered, lol. I guess i should have known we were going to be with each other forever since i remember your head incident and i still laugh that you started to shave and pluck your hair out around your scar! 3rd grade is when we became inseperable passing notes to each other in the hallways. Junior high came and got really crazy...from your red headed boy who wanted to date you putting a flower in your locker, the dances, going to your dad's house on weekends, going with your dad and Carla to kings island, the skating ring days we were so freaking cool, singing and skating to all i wanna do is a zoom zoom and a boom boom, mr. hotstepper, tootsieroll, crawling through your house on greenbush because we were afraid someone was going to get us, trying cooked tomatoes for the 1st time, swimming, cutting out pics in magazines to cover your walls bet your mom loved that lol, going to when you had one of your pacemaker surgeries when you were young i got you a winnie the pooh balloon, candy, and flowers but you didnt end up having it on that day, mrs. classens class we got in trouble for talking across the room so much, library the tampon story ;), shop class were lucky to still have all our fingers...really, chipping your tooth on a glass mountain dew bottle i felt horrible it but a huge knot on my head, but we did end up laughing about it later on; tons more but i know you know all of them!!! Then we got to high school you were my date i think to pretty much every dance except a few. our socials, you and i driving around, yucatan, hole in my shirt shhhh, getting lost and driving and driving, late night phone calls, you screaming Jessica Ellen i have yet understood why you thought my middle name was that oooo it used to make me so mad, but now it seems to fit and miss you screaming it. The famous drive to Cleveland, the tons of secrets we shared together, realizing true friends, our birthday parties you always planned mine no matter if we were just chilling we always got together for the 18 we shared together, always wearing your sunglasses at night and you and i singing our sunglasses song, lol. Watching soul train at your dad's, police report you had me fill out for you that crazy bitch, the phone call you telling about work, you always putting me in scary situations and me the responsible one, being with the boys, you trying to get me to drink miller lite blah but i will have a beer for you girl, making fun of people for the way they dance, our bar nights, staying up all night talking, the snow ball fight where you were throwing ice chunks instead of snow. There is so many and i know each day i will remember a new wonderful memory that we have shared. There are times it just doesn't seem like i can live without you but then i remember your smile, laughs, love, and how you lived your life and it doesn't make me sad it makes me laugh and feel blessed that i have been a part of your life for so long. I always told you i don't know what i would ever do without you and i don't and it will never seem real everyday because i know you are with me. My partner in crime and wanting you still by my side for all the things that i thought we could share together. We still have our talks, you still listen, yes times it feels so real when i cant pick up the phone and call you or i dont have a missed call around 10 in the morning from you when you would get home from work. When i need someone to talk too and im not able to call it breaks my heart. Honestly you are the only person i have ever told everything too, could talk to about anything, you would always cheer me up and remind me that everything will always get better...its hard not having that. At times i just feel so alone because i dont have you Sheena Beena here with me. You will always be forever my person though that i will always go too no matter what!! I love you girl more than i could ever explain to you, i have the biggest heart ache but i know your always watching over us. Dreams, Talk, Love, Questions, Answers, Fright, Thoughts, Chills, Night...i know you know what im talking about and i dont have to explain to you. I LOVE YOU. You are the perfect beautiful person i will ever know and truly believe i will never meet someone just like you.